TIme is Slipping Away From Me

So I've been haveing a string of bad luck. The computer cord broke and i wasn't able to get back on the computer for awhile because it was dead and wouldn't charge. My cell phone fell in the lake at Watermakin Park, and then there is Brandon. :( He got me thinking about him again. sometime I think I might love him, but I hate the way he treats me. So I guess thats why i tend to stray away from him. He tell me he still has feelings for me and I want to talk to him before the senior finals. I want to make sure that if something good can happen to our relatioship that it happens before the year is up. I don't want him calling me out the blue telling me his feelings beacuse i will not want anything to do with him. This time after he get out my head I want him stay that way "out of my head". I think I might get Fernando to do some digging for me they seem to be cool now, but idk. speaking of Fernando his girlfriend thinks I like him. which is kinda sad that she can see it and he can't, but she thinks he likes me too. I personaly think Fer is just a flirt. Today was the senior picnic It was fun. Its sad really I will miss everybody there I've actully talked to people I've known for a long time but never really said a word to. Graduation Day is comming up fast......A little to fast if u ask me every thing seems like a blurr...

The Brandon Saga Continues

So as was I walking from Mrs. Bond's class to the Cafeteria. I thought about JR and I felt I shouldn't be walking by myself. I can't help, but realize that every time things are going wrong I think of him. I really do miss him its been four years since I saw him. I really do still think he is or was my soul mate. I ran most of my mile Friday, my inspiration was Harley even though he was there I thought of him and kept going. I hope that by the end of the school year I will be able to run at least one whole lap around the track. After I ran my lap my sister and I went to track practice to watch Fernando run while I was waiting for my ride to come pick us up. We saw Brandon there I was surprised to see him run. I didn't think he could run. Later that night he text-ed me and was telling me how he felt about me. He said he thinks he still likes me thats why He don't talk to me because he was unsure of his feelings. He said i was like crack. I really didn't know what to say until he sends me a picture of his dick. I told him he was a sex addict. he got mad at me because he thought I was joking around, but I was serious.he last thing he said to me before i went to sleep on him was fuck u. I really do worry about that boy. I have put some though tin this before i make a choice.

Not much to Say

Blah BLah BLah Nothing much to say. What a boring day. art club was today. No word from Harley. I am feeling a since of hopelessness.

What the Fernando

Today was ordinary day. I made some of me friends names into curse words. It was funny. Instead of what the fuck we. we said what the Fernando. Son of a bitch was son of a Brittany. oh damn was oh Devin. I wonder if it will catch on. other than that my day was pretty ordinary. When I got home I fell asleep and my mom caught someone trying to break in our house. I was kind of shocked. We really don't have anything of value, but the laptop I'm typing on and the DVD player in my room(the only one that isn't broken and still had an remote). Other than that there really isn't anything to steal. I have to babysit this weekend and i get $20.00 for it and then the weak after that I get then for 2 weeks. These might as well be my kinds I always have them lol. keep you posted.

Back at School

So the first day back at school was awesome in a laid back kind of way. I was looking for Harley when I got off the bus. I was kinda hoping he was still here even though I knew he was gone. My classes on the first day back was good. I really didn't do any work. Lunch well was different with out seeing Harley. I did go to the mall with Josh S. to celebrate his birthday. There was supposed to be a lot of people there, it was just me and he for four hours. Its was kind of a "eww" Factor when I thought about kissing him. It kind of was weird to actually have fun with him when its just us. The fun part was when we was on our way there and I had to urinate and I pissed in the wood on our way there. I fingered a tree on my way to the bus stop leaving the mall. That was hilarious. Today wasn't as good as the first day, but its was still pretty good. Nothing bad happened to me so i guess that means I had a good day. Well I'll keep you posted

Spring Break is Over

Well it's Sunday, and Harley is gone and I miss him I haven't talked to him since the day I left for the survival field trip. Its going to be hard not seeing him in school at lunch. Hopefully I will be able to see him In July when he goes on leave. At least he wrote me an e-mail, it made me feel a hole lot better to know he won't be totally out of my life. In other news we go back to school tomorrow. I wonder what new journeys awaits me when I get back. It seems like after every relationship ends a new one follows right behind it I hope the next guy I pick is better than all the others. Lately I've been looking back on my past Boyfriends in high school. I wonder if its me and not them. They never seem to care for me as much as I want them to or as much as i thought they did, but its whatever even the frog princess had to kiss a couple of toads to find her prince charming. I have so much faith that I will find my charming, I mean everybody has to get there happy ending at some point in there sad little life. There is no way my whole entire life is destine to be shitty. I just can't bring myself to believe that and I won't believe that. I just have to work harder to get what I want. I'll keep you posted!!

BLogging

Well i don't know when I will be able to blog again. I will try and see if I can blog in Digital Input. So here is the update on "I don't have any Friends?" I sent the text and they said O.k so I figure we are going to talk about it when we get to school. Brandon got me my charger but I won't get it till Monday. . . I figure I should be nice to him till I get the charger. I am on the look out for a job I really need one. My mom wants me to but a house with her, but thats not a good idea. I need to be free, I can't take another year living with her. I should look online, but online job searching is hard I will keep you posted...

I have No Friends???

I been thinking Brittany and Tiara are supposed to be my BFFs forever. Why aren't we friends no more. I don't want to walk across the stage knowing that would be the last time I see them again. We all said some things that were not exactly nice. I'm going to send out the text to rekindle our friendship, I hate not being able to talk to them. I really do miss them. I can't let 5 years go down the drain. I'm not going to let it end like this. I can't do that. I have to try. trying never hurt.

Missing my Love

Why can't I get him out my head. Why should I love you when you love her. I get it she's having your baby, but she don't deserve you. I'm the one standing here with open arms ready to give you my heart but you won't take it. you want her heart. she doesn't want your heart.this don't make no sense to me but, it doesn't matter now your gone I can't see till July, then its back to the Army. Harley......how did this happen???

My Recent thoughts

So I have came to a decision about my Brandon problem. I figured that he will never change. All he cares about is sex and he doesn't care who he hurts to get it. I am not strong enough to resist him when he wants me, so the best thing for me is to stop being friends with him. I can't be friends with him, my self-esteem can't take that kind of abuse no more. I deserve better and I want better for myself. I can't be a better person with people like him bringing me down. I just hope that one day he will learn his lesson and stop treating girls the way he does. I feel so sorry for both him and his girlfriend. She is so stupid not to see that he cheats on her with anything with a vagina. I want to tell her that I fucked him, but that won't make anything better. she knows that he cheated on her once, she is still with him. I guess you have to let people make their own mistakes.

This could be the start of a scandal....

So I went to see my ex boyfriend Brandon today. I needed a charger and he supposedly wanted to talk. I hate the fact that he can get anything he wants from me. We ended up having sex. I told him no, but he forced himself on me. I didn't want to but he just kept going so i just stopped fighting it and gave in. I probably wouldn't feel so bad if he lasted more than a minute. After the deed was done i went to Jose's house to get high and forget about what i did. I was pissed when it was all gone, but i bummed a ride. I wonder why he always runs back to me. Should I tell his girlfriend we fucked. I wish i could put Brandon behind me and close that chapter of my life, but every time i think he is out my life i turn around and he is threr