FML

So I am home after two days of a break from my mom. I am really tired of her yelling at me. For a long time I have been thinking of Fernando but its whatever i guess because like right now I am started to cry just thinking of him. I don't think he likes me the way i like him i think he wants to be with that girl. if he loves her ok then i get it I guess I want him to be happy even if its not with me. idk i hope i find someone who wants to be with me and makes me happy i hate this so much i wish it was much easier than this. i don't want to be like all the older people before me in my family. to die without real true love alone in the world with nothing but a bunch of kids with different fathers. I just don't see myself being happy that way.Supongo que el amor no era para mí. love just wasn't meant for me.i guess what they say about true love is true, that there is only one person in the world for you in a way right now i'm thinking of Fernando as a painful reminder of J.R(a boy I loved and loved me back put i fucked up the whole relationship with him and i will never see him again). I don't want JR no more I want Fernando he is like my Jacob, but in the movie Jacob liked Bella and expressed his feelings for her. i wish i can end this suffering right now but i'm to weak to do a thing like that. I'm not brave enough to commit suicide. if i do kill myself then what would the reason be because life is to hard and finding what i want in life is hard and i can't get what i want. that would just make me seem ignorant and stupid so i will tolerate this shitty life for a while longer just to see where it goes.......